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College Politics USC 

USC Affirms its Commitment to Being a Limited Speech Zone

September 21, 2025January 14, 2026 Margaret Danenhauer

By Margaret Danenhauer  LOS ANGELES — In a recent email to the student body, Interim President Beong-Soo Kim clarified USC’s

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Sports USC 

Colorblind MSU Fan Can’t Tell Who To Root For

September 20, 2025January 9, 2026 Sarah Ruiz

By Sarah Ruiz LOS ANGELES, CA –  Die hard Michigan State fan Fred Greenfield, who suffers from red-green colorblindness, realized

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College Local USC 

E-Scooter Snuck Into Doheny and Leavey

September 7, 2025September 7, 2025 Violet Rose Wang

By Violet Rose Wang LOS ANGELES, CA – Hundreds of students lives’ were threatened today when two psycho fucks brought

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Attention Vortex College Sports Uncategorized USC 

All Football Hopefuls Must Tryout With an Eight Bar Cut of “Single Ladies”

August 24, 2025August 26, 2025 Charlotte Phillipp

By Charlotte Deckle LOS ANGELES, CA — With football walk-on tryouts just around the corner, legions of wannabe Trojan football

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College Uncategorized USC 

Carol Folt Dead

June 30, 2025July 23, 2025 Violet Rose Wang

By Violet Rose Wang LOS ANGELES, CA – Beloved USC President, free speech advocate, and demon Carol Folt has died

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College Editorial Politics U.S. 

To Struggling Harvard Students…We’re Here For You

June 15, 2025July 23, 2025 Margaret Danenhauer

By Margaret Danenhauer In a time where higher education is under attack, Harvard students and their educations have become political

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College Local USC 

Graduation Sash Embroidery Malfunction: They All Just Say ‘Cum’

May 16, 2025July 24, 2025 Ella Grossman

By Ella Grossman LOS ANGELES, CA – Graduation season is in full swing, which means campus is swarming with soon-to-be

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College 

Graduating Theater Major Worried He Will Contribute Too Much To Workforce

May 15, 2025July 23, 2025 Phineas Kelly

By Phineas Kelly LOS ANGELES, CA — As USC prepares to launch a new class of graduating seniors into the

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USC 

Sperm Racing Rematch to Take Place in My Bedroom

May 3, 2025July 14, 2025 Ella Grossman

By Ella Grossman  LOS ANGELES — This Friday, the world’s first Sperm Race took place at LA Center Studio in

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USC 

Spending Cuts Force LA Times “Festival of Books” to Rebrand as “Festival of Book”

May 3, 2025May 3, 2025 Phineas Kelly

By Phineas Kelly LOS ANGELES — As universities nationwide fear the loss of federal research funding, the University of Southern

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Recent Posts

  • POTUS Changes Holiday Name To “Trump-MLK Day”
  • Millie Bobby Brown Adopts Fellow Child Actors
  • Business Bro Confused By New MLM Show
  • Petroleo the Oil Wizard Seen Whispering to Trump During Press Conference 
  • USC Dutch Bros Does Not Pass Bechdel Test

Article Roulette

Freshman Orientation Distributes Nametags with Financial Aid, SAT Scores Listed

July 11, 2015 Jori Barash No Comment

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