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Author: Rachel Michelman

College USC 

USC to Have Students Fight for Financial Aid in Willy Wonka Style Competition

September 1, 2021August 30, 2021 Rachel Michelman

By Rachel Michelman LOS ANGELES, CA – USC’s students will enter a world of imagination this upcoming school year after

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Local 

Local Woman Creates Pinterest Board to Escape The Reality That She Will Never Achieve Her Dreams

May 6, 2021May 6, 2021 Rachel Michelman

By Rachel Michelman LOS ANGELES, CA – Despite creating a Pinterest board full of aspirations of what she wants to

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Local 

Group Email Sent Specifically to Remind One Person

April 26, 2021April 26, 2021 Rachel Michelman

By Rachel Michelman LOS ANGELES, CA–A group email sent out to twelve different people last Monday was actually only sent

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Apologies to The Editor Columns 

Apologies to the Editor: I’m Not Really Sorry But My Mom Said I Had to Apologize

March 30, 2021March 29, 2021 Rachel Michelman

By Rachel Michelman Dear Editor, Listen, punk. Let’s get things straight. You’re a freaking nerd who doesn’t know your place

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Apologies to The Editor Columns 

Apologies to the Editor: I’m Sorry, But Can We Just Forget About Last Night?

March 5, 2021March 3, 2021 Rachel Michelman

By Rachel Michelman Dear Editor, Morning. No, I don’t want pizza you left on your counter, but thanks for the

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Attention Vortex 

Quiz: Are You Sad or Hungry?

March 4, 2021March 3, 2021 Rachel Michelman

By Rachel Michelman COVID-19 has really messed up our lives, which is not cool! Life has been more difficult for

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Local 

Girl Watching True Crime Just Looking for Creative Ways She Could Be Murdered

February 10, 2021February 10, 2021 Rachel Michelman

By Rachel Michelman LOS ANGELES, CA – A barrel at the bottom of the lake. Suffocated by a pillowcase in

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Attention Vortex Politics 

QUIZ: Do You Deserve A Trump Pardon?

January 19, 2021January 21, 2021 Rachel Michelman

By Rachel Michelman It’s the last day of the Trump presidency, which means it’s time for some pardons on his

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Local 

Toddler Gives Impassioned Yet Unintelligible Speech on Space and/or Dinosaurs

December 15, 2020December 13, 2020 Rachel Michelman

By Rachel Michelman TONY’S TOT DAYCARE, NC — Local toddler Alex Morgan impressed both his peers and daycare workers when

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Attention Vortex 

Quiz: Are You Okay? No, But Like Seriously, Are You Okay?

November 16, 2020November 15, 2020 Rachel Michelman

By Rachel Michelman

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Recent Posts

  • POTUS Changes Holiday Name To “Trump-MLK Day”
  • Millie Bobby Brown Adopts Fellow Child Actors
  • Business Bro Confused By New MLM Show
  • Petroleo the Oil Wizard Seen Whispering to Trump During Press Conference 
  • USC Dutch Bros Does Not Pass Bechdel Test

Article Roulette

Main Character Knows Just What to Do

March 25, 2019 Sydney Sanchez No Comment

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