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Author: Bill Rockas

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Econ Major Explains Opportunity Cost of Not Dating Him

October 11, 2023October 5, 2023 Bill Rockas

By Bill Rockas AUSTIN, TX –   After multiple rejections, Economics major Carl Smattford has resorted to explaining the quantifiable

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News in Brief 

Strike Negotiations Worry Millions That “The Static, Commercials, and Public Domain Songs Show” Will Be Canceled

September 25, 2023September 25, 2023 Bill Rockas

By Bill Rockas LOS ANGELES, CA – The tentative negotiations for the improvement of the WGA has millions of audience

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Local 

All of Gen Z Does Something You Don’t Like

September 24, 2023May 2, 2024 Bill Rockas

By Bill Rockas EVERYWHERE, SEEMINGLY – The country is in disarray! The entirety of Gen Z just DID something you,

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Editorial 

Opinion: This Gold Calf Is Fucking Awesome, Should Be Our New God

September 7, 2023September 8, 2023 Bill Rockas

By Bill Rockas PORTLAND, OR – Veal fever has hit America as more and more citizens are correctly adopting a

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Uncategorized 

News Outlets Admit “We Can’t Keep Up With These Trump Indictments Either”

August 10, 2023August 10, 2023 Bill Rockas

By Bill Rockas WASHINGTON, DC – In response to former President Donald Trump’s fourth indictment, all major news outlets announced

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Uncategorized 

Historians Reveal Oppenheimer’s “No Regrets” Tattoo

July 10, 2023August 10, 2023 Bill Rockas

By Bill Rockas PRINCETON, NJ – After a decades-long debate, historians have finally revealed the longstanding secret that J. Robert

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News in Brief 

Odd Ticking Sound Emanating From Kaczynski Coffin

June 12, 2023August 10, 2023 Bill Rockas

By Bill Rockas CHICAGO, IL – The famed domestic terrorist known as the Unabomber was found dead in his prison

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Entertainment 

Writer’s Strike Catches Up With Succession Finale As Logan Returns And Lays Waste To Westeros

May 29, 2023May 29, 2023 Bill Rockas

By Bill Rockas LOS ANGELES, CA – In retaliation with the Writer’s Strike, Max executives scrapped the last episode of

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Local 

Colorblind Dumbass Pinched to Death On St Patrick’s Day

March 17, 2023March 19, 2023 Bill Rockas

By Bill Rockas BOSTON, MA – Colorblind sixth grade teacher Dave Pendleton arrived at his classroom wearing all red and

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World 

Study Finds That Porn Creates Unrealistic Expectations For Pizza Deliveries

January 26, 2023January 24, 2023 Bill Rockas

By Bill Rockas JACKSONVILLE, FL – Researchers at The Institute For Hookup Discovery have found that 90% of porn watchers

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Dear Mom: Baby Want Milk

Dear Mom: Baby Want Milk

December 4, 2020 Staff No Comment

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