Where Your Tuition Goes: A Breakdown
By Staff
Forced to comply with new Department of Education transparency standards, the University of Southern California recently released a dollar-by-dollar breakdown of its notoriously high $61,681cost of attendance:
- $1,002.21 Las Vegas golf retreat for USG
- $686.30 Fountain installation and maintenace
- $20.03 Campus Cruiser to take people to the Row
- $240.33 Ambulances to take people away from the Row
- $98.00 DPS Segway repair
- $12.00 Film School Arrogance Fund
- $1.890.00 Paying James Franco to teach a class of 8 students how to be smug
- $00.01 Leavey beautification program
- $845.50 Squirrel photography
- $3.00 Food for EVKitty
- $106.3 Lobster for athletes’ dining hall
- $2.39 Ugandan drumming club
- $2,000.92 Paying 100 professional actors to say “fight on!” to tour groups
- $2.94 Tommy Trojan’s personal trainer
- $80.27 Alcohol for band
- $92.00 Paying Elton John to perform
- $1,240.00 Baseball caps for President Nikias
- $243.23 EVK decockroaching
- $32.00 Therapy costs for irate fingerprint scanner operators
- $279.31 Committee to censor the part of the Iliad where the Trojans lost
- $20.11 Salary for bookstore greeter
- $4,388.19 Admission scouts to recruit that one international student from Malta
- $86.29 Golf carts
- $13,200.00 Free condoms
- $4,309.92 10,000 gallons of red and yellow ink for admissions brochures
- $338.29 Picking up Traveler’s poop and stable maintenance
- $240.20 New North vomit cleaning
- $3,950.50 Printing 100,000 copies of the Daily Trojan
- $203.20 Replacing bottoms of lampposts that everyone kicks on game day
- $300.00 Reminding people that there are other sports than football
- $239.44 Gerontology school promotion
- $3,392.10 Bro-tank printing
- $4.32 Classes, faculty salary, dorm upkeep, dining halls
