USC Diversity Initiative Targets First-Generation Apple Product Users

By Eloise Rollins-Fife

LOS ANGELES, CA– The University of Southern California, best known for its scandals and “spoiled children,” is attempting to turn over a new leaf with a diversity program aimed at recruiting a historically underrepresented minority: first-generation Apple product users (FGAPU). 

According to The Office for Diversity and Strategic Initiatives at Dornsife College, applicants who identify as FGAPU enrich the college through their “unique perspective” on technological evolution, “resilience and perseverance” in their insistence that their phones are usable, and “grit,” a natural quality of anyone willing to put up with a device from the stone-age.

In return, USC plans to offer a bevy of resources meant to aid these particularly challenged students, such as a bank of free Apple 30-pin connectors and monthly meet-ups with no iPhones 4 or above allowed.  

Danielle Sosa, a rising sophomore studying Anthropology, identifies as FGAPU. She continues to use a first-generation iPod Nano, even though neither part of that is a thing anymore. “Navigating college without a good support system is tough,” said Sosa. “Navigating it without a good IT system is even tougher. I’m so glad I chose a school that supports my unique differences as long as I still give them an unreasonable amount of money.”

Freddy Chung, Dornsife’s Chief Diversity Officer who spearheaded the initiative, commented, “This program will really bring a whole new set of viewpoints to enrich the campus experience for the students’ normal peers. Plus, they’re probably poor, too. That’s diversity, right?”

However, Sosa says lack of funds is not her reason for continuing to use outdated products.

“I just think Steve Jobs got it right the first time,” she said. And maybe this time, USC finally got it right as well.