Breaking News:
  • E-Scooter Snuck Into Doheny and Leavey
  • Taylor Swift Drops First Easter Egg for 2030 Divorce Album
  • All Football Hopefuls Must Tryout With an Eight Bar Cut of “Single Ladies”
  • Big Beautiful Bill Requires Everyone on Medicaid to Just, Like, Figure it Out
  • Carol Folt Dead

The Sack of Troy

USC's Second Best Parody Newspaper

The Sack of Troy

  • College
  • Local
  • World
  • Sports
  • Politics
  • Entertainment
  • Videos
  • Columns
    • Attention Vortex
    • Dear Mom
    • Girlboss Alert!
    • Reviews
    • Strong Feelings
  • About
    • History
    • Join Us
    • Contact Us
    • Members

Author: Melanie Hoffmann

Politics World 

Guy Running Stock Market Graph Just Tracing the Track of El Toro at Six Flags Great America

July 8, 2020January 21, 2021 Melanie Hoffmann

by Melanie Hoffmann WALL STREET — As the novel coronavirus has been wreaking havoc on public life, amusement parks have

Read more
Local 

Woman Working from Home Grabbing Own Ass for Sense of Normalcy

June 29, 2020June 29, 2020 Melanie Hoffmann

By Melanie Hoffmann LOS ANGELES, CA — Despite recent openings of restaurants and retail locations, many offices remain shut due

Read more
Local Sports 

Female Jogger Breaks Personal Record for Most Miles with Van Following

May 22, 2020January 23, 2021 Melanie Hoffmann

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]By Melanie Hoffmann TUCSON, AZ — On Thursday, local Tucson resident Winona Clark passed a personal milestone in her fitness

Read more
World 

Seven-Year-Old Playing Doctor Put to Work in COVID-19 Unit

May 19, 2020January 21, 2021 Melanie Hoffmann

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Melanie Hoffmann ONTARIO, CA — Medical school students across the country have been graduating early to help fight the

Read more
Local 

Local Man Swears Mother’s Day Card was Lost in Mail on Way to her Room

May 11, 2020June 17, 2020 Melanie Hoffmann

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]By Melanie Hoffmann FRESNO, CA — Despite the tragedy of the COVID-19 pandemic, local mother Martha Ginderson was happy that

Read more
Politics World 

White House Panics After Grimes and Elon Musk Name their Baby the Nuclear Launch Codes

May 8, 2020January 21, 2021 Melanie Hoffmann

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]By Melanie Hoffmann WASHINGTON, DC — When Tesla CEO Elon Musk and musical artist Claire Boucher (“Grimes”) announced the name

Read more
Politics 

Supreme Court Rules Gerrymandering Unconstitutional Unless District Shaped Like Penis

February 27, 2020January 21, 2021 Melanie Hoffmann

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Melanie Hoffmann WASHINGTON, DC — The Supreme Court has finally found a compromise regarding the bipartisan issue of gerrymandering.

Read more
News in Pictures 

Last Minute DIY Skeleton Costume!

November 1, 2019June 12, 2021 Melanie Hoffmann
Read more
College Local 

Freshman with Sock on Door Could Have Easily Sent Text

October 22, 2019June 17, 2020 Melanie Hoffmann

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Melanie Hoffmann NEW/NORTH RESIDENTIAL COLLEGE — Freshman resident Randy Danvers caused widespread confusion among his floormates after hanging a

Read more
Columns Strong Feelings 

Opinion: Fun Fact Could Have Been Funner

October 1, 2019 Melanie Hoffmann

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Melanie Hoffmann BIRNKRANT SECOND FLOOR — The beginning-of-the-year floor meeting was thrown into an unbearable awkward silence when resident

Read more
  • ← Previous
  • Next →

Categories

  • Apologies to The Editor
  • Attention Vortex
  • College
  • Columns
  • Comics
  • Dear Mom
  • Editorial
  • Entertainment
  • Film Bro Friday
  • Girlboss Alert!
  • Local
  • News in Brief
  • News in Pictures
  • Politics
  • Reviews
  • Sports
  • Strong Feelings
  • U.S.
  • Uncategorized
  • USC
  • Videos
  • World

Recent Posts

  • E-Scooter Snuck Into Doheny and Leavey
  • Taylor Swift Drops First Easter Egg for 2030 Divorce Album
  • All Football Hopefuls Must Tryout With an Eight Bar Cut of “Single Ladies”
  • Big Beautiful Bill Requires Everyone on Medicaid to Just, Like, Figure it Out
  • Carol Folt Dead

Article Roulette

Male Student Distracted by Female Classmate’s Bare Shoulders

Male Student Distracted by Female Classmate’s Bare Shoulders

March 8, 2017 Sara Linden No Comment

Archives

© 2025 The Sack of Troy. All wrongs reserved.