Move Over “Severance”! Apple TV Premieres New Hit Show “Get Out with White People”
By Margaret Danenhauer
THE SUNKEN PLACE — Following the success of Severance, Apple TV just straight-up made a show called Get Out with White People, and guess what — you watched it!
You might be thinking to yourself, “I didn’t watch that show,” or “I don’t even have Apple TV,” but trust us: you did. How could you forget the compelling story of John Johnsmith, a heterosexual white man tricked by his girlfriend into being turned into a vessel for the soul of another, more elderly white person? Now you might be thinking, hey, that sounds like Get Out, but without any racial commentary, and you’re right! It is!
And we can’t not mention America’s other new favorite show, The Handmaid’s Tale But It’s Mostly Guys and Like One Lady (streaming exclusively on Apple TV+)! You don’t want to miss the thrilling saga of when people of all genders (but maybe mostly men because that’s more palatable) were subjugated for their reproductive capacities because of, oh, I don’t know, let’s say capitalism! All we know is there are definitely no feminist themes, unless you’d like to pretend there are because like one woman is in some episodes occasionally!
And if you weren’t already feeling our fabulous new slate of programming, how about White Mirror, presented by ChatGPT? Our streaming algorithm tells us shows with strong anti-capitalist, anti-technocrat themes are some of the most profitable! We’re even making moves in the film industry, with five new Apple TV+ original movies about intelligent sociopaths selling addictive technology and misinformation to the masses in order to gain legislative power and destroy the planet. Plot twist: turns out the real villains were actually the woke mob all along!
Wow, we’re really great at making content! Who knew all you needed to be the next big prestige hit was to exploit the marginalized and remove everything unique about their work to sell it to a more mainstream audience? Apple TV did! That’ll be $29.99 a month, please.
