by Ian Riley
USC — In 1968, the world was introduced to an irascible Volkswagen named Herbie the Love Bug who drove straight off the screen and into our hearts. Now, 50 years later, a spiritual successor for the beloved buggy has finally emerged: URB-E the Fuck Scooter.
Combining all the speed of a low-quality moped with the aesthetic qualities of a middle tier robotics kit, URB-E may not be able to take Jim Douglas from the Sierra Nevada to Virginia City and back faster than the nefarious Peter Thorndyke, but you better believe he can take you from Sig Nu to the Café 84 Starbucks before your Tapingo order is ready.
It may be tough to spot URB-E from his non-magical counterparts. After all, Herbie had an iconic red and blue racing stripe and sported the number ‘53’ across the hood and doors. However, our lovable Fuck Scooter is not without his charm: he is customized with a semi-ironic floral print and sports a built in beer coozy emblazoned with the number 69. You can always tell he’s coming your way from the Bose speaker blasting “Kid Sees Ghost” zip tied to the handle.
So, the next time you see a hungover super-senior speeding down Trousdale two minutes before the hour, know that he may be riding on everyone’s favorite anthropomorphized scooter, URB-E the Fuck Scooter. Oh, and did I forget to mention he vapes? Because he definitely vapes.