By Sarah Cortina
LOS ANGELES, CA — The School of Cinematic Arts has reportedly shut down after leftist students seized the means of production, barring access to all sound stages, cameras, gas, lighting, gaslighting, and anything else required to make a quality film.
Jack Stillin and Arnold Marks, founders of the Trojan Left, decided that enough was enough, and took matters into their own hands. “Yeah, I was really pissed that, of all people, ANNENBERG students get free access to Adobe Suite and we don’t, so we decided to take the power back. I mean comm majors are just people who didn’t get into the film school. Fuck them. Fuck ALL OF YOU!” The journalism major who rejected Marks’ advances five separate times could not be reached for comment.
As the students reportedly just fucking stole all of the cameras and are occupying the sound stages on campus by smoking cigarettes while blasting to Neutral Milk Hotel, the production cohorts of SCA have been left to their own devices (brand new 17” inch Macbook Pro). Perhaps unrelated, but Marks is also 3 assignments behind in CTCS 190.
It’s always inspiring to see students taking matters into their own hands as they grow and learn at college: it seems that universities are a crucible for developing individuality and independence. To quote Marks, what else are their parents paying $70,000 a year for?