Woman Fishing for Compliments Accidentally Catches Big, Gross Halibut

By Amanda Douglas

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — California native Olive Hayes was fishing for compliments at friend Angie Clark’s engagement party when she accidentally caught a big, gross halibut.

Hayes went to the salon the prior morning with the request to look like “Britney before the drugs, Lindsay during the drugs, and Shakira after them, with a dash of Nic Cage for elegance.” 

Hayes walked into the party feeling like a million bucks, and looking for everyone to confirm it. She spent ten minutes wiggling her way into groups and making self-deprecating jokes about her appearance. Suddenly, just as she was saying “Ugh, I look soooo bad” for the fourth time, a sopping wet, three-foot halibut came out of nowhere, slapping her in the face and falling into her hands. Hayes attempted to set it down, but the slime stuck to her fingers.

According to Michael Lane, Clark’s uncle, he was drinking a lemonade when Hayes confronted him. “She kept asking if I’d gotten a haircut recently, which was weird because I’m bald,” Lane said, pausing for a moment. “It was also weird because she was holding this fish that was so big, I swear it could swallow me whole…and I might even like it?”

Clark’s old roommate Lauren Iha ran into Hayes when they were in the powder room. “I knew immediately she was looking for attention, so I refused to say anything about it,” Iha commented, shaking her head. “I mean, seriously? That fish was a bigger eyesore than her hair, which is saying something.”

Hayes was sitting alone during the night’s main toast — thinking about herself — when Randall Bridges, a co-worker of Clark, approached Hayes nervously. “She was just so beautiful, I had to say something,” Bridges explained, cheeks growing red from the memory. “So I sat down on the bench, looked deep into her eyes, and told her she had an exquisite fish.”

Later that evening, Hayes was spotted desperately twirling her hair at a bar when a family of Atlantic cod came flying through the air and nearly knocked her out.