Jet Engine Inexplicably Hoisted Over Jefferson/McClintock Intersection

by Dan Giles

USC — The perpetual construction work in and around the intersection of Jefferson Boulevard and McClintock Avenue has entered an even more inexplicable new phase as a hydraulic crane has begun dangling a detached jet engine over the intersection.

“I’m confused because it’s just dangling up there,” reported sophomore Julian Killis. “All the construction workers seemed only concerned with their usual thing of just aimlessly cutting and refilling asphalt.”

“I’m not sure whether they brought it in from elsewhere or if it came from under one of those big metal plates on the ground,” said junior Delilah Pahlavi, who witnessed the scene on the way to grab lunch at Cafe 84. “Maybe that’s what they’ve been digging for down there all along?”

Over the course of the academic year, the construction activity at the intersection has evolved through multiple stages, each one increasingly more cryptic and obtrusive to the passing pedestrians. The recent appearance of a brand new sidewalk over top of where a sidewalk originally stood had offered some inkling of an overriding purpose for the madness.

However, with the introduction of the dangling jet engine, all bets are off.

“How have people not already caught on that there’s no rhyme or reason to any of this?” asked senior Nick Schroeder, whose Cardinal Gardens apartment overlooks the intersection. “I kid you not, around 2 a.m. last night I watched them scrub the intersection with a zamboni.”

At press time it is not immediately clear whether the jet engine will continue to remain suspended in the air as a permanent fixture.