by Rob Smat
CUPERTINO, CA — The popular Irish rock band U2, known for their philanthropic exploits and world fame as international rock stars, took another step toward sainthood on Tuesday.
During a small tech company’s fall product launch, U2 not only surprised the crowd with a surprise onstage performance, but also launched their newest album, titled How to Dismantle a Sneezing Tree Boy.
The act of charity was yet to come, as band leader and pro-indoor sunglass enthusiast Bono proclaimed, “We’re giving this album to all of your subscribers, for FREE! I’m a danger to myself and those around me,” he added, before flailing wildly about the stage with his microphone.
The tech company who will receive this generosity is the little-known Apple Inc., an up-and-coming business startup, developed under the watchful eye of the ever optimistic Steve Jobs. He passed away a few years ago, according to sources at the company; however, his coworkers will never forget the fun variety of turtlenecks he would wear to work on occasion.
Apple’s need for commercial assistance has become all too obvious in past years. Their repeated, biennial product launches have demonstrated a yearning for more attention in the industry. They have even resorted to forcing their CEO’s to present the product launches, since their total staff is so small.
“We will never forget this act of goodwill from Bono and his bandmates,” stated Tim Cook, current CEO of Apple Inc., “and I am grateful they chose us when they could have easily gone to an industry leader like Google and been compensated financially for such a move.”
At press time, Adam Clayton and Larry Mullen Jr. were scrambling to ask for money for bus tokens to get back to the hotel, as Bono and The Edge had taken off without them and no one believed they were in U2.