- “Asian Beta” Obeys Court Order To Diversify, Becomes Jewish Fraternity
- USC Bookstores Justify Sweatshop Products, “To Maintain Our Famously Low Prices”
Breaking News:
- Writer’s Strike Catches Up With Succession Finale As Logan Returns And Lays Waste To Westeros
- Midwesterner Identifies as Californian After Two Semesters
- Local Guy Best Friend Continues the Search for His Hug After a Year and a Half
- Chili’s “Cinco De Mayo” Special Just 5 Bowls of Mayonnaise
- Construction for USC Infinite Youth Fountain to be Finished Whatever Year You Graduate
The Sack of Troy
USC's Second Best Parody Newspaper
