- DPS Shuts Down Engineering Party Out of Pity
- Band Performs Sober For ESPN Game Day Rally, “Worst Playing Yet”
Breaking News:
- Concussed Football Men to Redefine Mathematics as Big 10 Welcome 15 and 16
- Rival High School Football Team Swallowed by Sinkhole to Hell After Supreme Court Approves Summoning Circles
- EXCLUSIVE: A Fetus Speaks Out On Roe v. Wade
- Clarence Thomas Suggests Simply Using a Gun Instead
- Sad: Neither of This Man’s Secret Families Wished Him Happy Father’s Day
The Sack of Troy
USC's Second Best Parody Newspaper
