Woman Takes Husband’s Last Name and Complete Identity

by Sara Linden

LOS ANGELES, CA — Many leading activists argue that the practice of a woman taking her husband’s last name is a sexist one. In fact, many women don’t partake in this tradition in the modern day, but Angela Lincoln threw caution to the wind and took it one step further–she stole her husband’s entire identity.

Lincoln once thought that women should keep their own surname, too. “I’ve been there,” explained Lincoln, “but this was the best decision I’ve ever made. I get to create a new life for myself — all under the name Anthony Carson.”

Her family expressed approval in her choice, having always been a traditional bunch. “We’re proud of our girl,” said her mother, Barbara Lincoln. “Taking a man’s last name allows you so much more freedom with him–like taking his identity and using it to buy stuff on the black market. Girls today don’t understand that,” she said.

“I profited more from this than I even did from our wedding gifts,” said Lincoln. “I mean I now have access to his bank accounts, credit card information, and really anything you need to make large scale purchases,” Lincoln reported, her hand resting on a brand new, bright red Ferrari.

But this new bride has a plan that goes even further than big ticket items. “I could never commit crimes with my old identity, but now that I have his, I can finally rob First National Bank,” said Lincoln.

Lincoln said that because of how successful taking her husband’s last name and then complete identity has been for her, she plans on getting married at least two more times.

Sara Linden

After spending her youth in the jungle of Missouri, Sara came to Los Angeles to become a screenwriter. She likes Ghostbusters, ice cubes, and self sabotage, but not all at once.