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Author: Levi Elias

USC 

Term “DEI” Changes to “Community” to Reinforce USC’s Values as a Community College

March 27, 2025March 29, 2025 Levi Elias

By Levi Elias LOS ANGELES, CA – In an email sent to the USC population by the Office of the

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USC 

Carol Folt Finally Locks The Fuck In For Final Semester

March 12, 2025March 14, 2025 Levi Elias

By Levi Elias LOS ANGELES, CA — Soon-to-be retired USC president Carol Folt just realized that she’s wasted her entire

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Local 

Local Couple Goes Out For Dinner For Valentine’s Day Like the SHEEP They Are

February 14, 2025February 27, 2025 Levi Elias

By Levi Elias LOS ANGELES, CA —  A local straight couple was spotted dining at a fancy restaurant at about

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Politics Uncategorized 

Patriotic! BP Spills Oil In Gulf of America

February 12, 2025February 11, 2025 Levi Elias

By Levi Elias  THUNDER HORSE OIL RIG, GULF OF AMERICA – Notoriously clumsy oil corporation BP spilled a record high

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World 

Lol, Severed Penis on Sidewalk Pretty Small

December 6, 2024December 2, 2024 Levi Elias

By Levi Elias ALBANY, NY — Onlookers on Clarksville Road couldn’t help but let out a little giggle during their

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Editorial 

Opinion: Why I, A Straight White Cisgender Male, Will Be Watching This Season Of Dancing With The Stars With A Keen Eye

November 22, 2024December 2, 2024 Levi Elias

By Levi Elias LOS ANGELES, CA — Because I like it. It’s pretty good.

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Sports USC 

USC Steps Away in 4th Quarter To Honor Yom Kippur

October 13, 2024October 15, 2024 Levi Elias

By Levi Elias LOS ANGELES, CA — This Saturday, October 12th’s highly anticipated matchup pinning USC against football juggernaut Penn

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College USC 

A Sack of Troy Investigative Report: How To Bribe Your Way Into Clubs At USC

September 13, 2024September 13, 2024 Levi Elias

By Levi Elias LOS ANGELES, CA —  Each year, clubs at USC are getting harder and harder to get into

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College Local USC 

Freshmen Report: Every Friend Group Already Formed

August 26, 2024August 26, 2024 Levi Elias

By Levi Elias LOS ANGELES, CA — Move-in day has come and gone, which means every freshman has already cemented

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News in Brief Politics 

Alec Baldwin Attends Trump Rally

July 13, 2024July 14, 2024 Levi Elias

By Levi Elias BUTLER, PA – After the dismissal of Alec Baldwin’s dramatic and highly publicized manslaughter trial in the

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Recent Posts

  • E-Scooter Snuck Into Doheny and Leavey
  • Taylor Swift Drops First Easter Egg for 2030 Divorce Album
  • All Football Hopefuls Must Tryout With an Eight Bar Cut of “Single Ladies”
  • Big Beautiful Bill Requires Everyone on Medicaid to Just, Like, Figure it Out
  • Carol Folt Dead

Article Roulette

Freshman Reduced to Hometown, Major, and Dorm Within a Matter of Days

Freshman Reduced to Hometown, Major, and Dorm Within a Matter of Days

August 19, 2022 Izzy Ster No Comment

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