REPORT: Christmas Doesn’t Feel “Magic” Anymore Because You’re a 20-Year-Old Alcoholic
By Finn Rollings HOMETOWN, USA – As swift snowflakes swirl, cooling your hot cocoa, and the soft hum of yuletide
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Author: Finn Rollings
Finals Week Theater Major Discovers Mysterious Campus Building Labelled “LIBRARY”
By Finn Rollings LOS ANGELES, CA – A USC School of Dramatic Arts major has made archeological history this finals
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Trojan Knights Chest Paint Accidentally Spells Out The Name of The Forbidden One, Summoning His Wretchedness from the Depths
By Finn Rollings LOS ANGELES, CA – In a scramble of epic proportions, The Trojan Knights, the official hosts of
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Opinion: If My Coworkers Had a Vote on Whether They Liked Me or Not, I Would Cry
By Finn Rollings WASHINGTON, D.C. — As The Sack of Troy’s Capitol Hill Correspondent and Resident Empath, I just know
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Biden Convinced “Impeachment Inquiry” Newest Ben & Jerry’s Flavor
By Finn Rollings Washington D.C. – In a recent White House Press briefing, President Biden erroneously congratulated a partnership between
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