Supreme Court Bans Weather App While They’re At It
By Liam Stephenson
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The U.S. Supreme Court’s decision to ban Tik Tok has extended to other apps, including the famed Weather app.
“We can’t have China knowing what temperature it is in Temecula, California” stated Supreme Court Justice Neil Gorsuch in his funny robe. “They could use that information to attack us in a Temecula-oriented way. One day it’s 65 and sunny in Pittsburgh, and the next day we’re all Communist. And Chinese.”
Teens and young adults everywhere are unsure what to do without the Weather app. “I average twelve hours of screen time on the Weather app,” stated area teen Nicholas, scratching his neck and arms. “My Weather app was so tailored to me – it had all my places: Seattle, French Polynesia, the Korean Demilitarized Zone, everything. What am I gonna do for three hours before I go to bed? Sit alone with my thoughts? Fuck no. I want to look at precipitation maps in Venezuela.”
The Supreme Court also planned on banning the Reminders app, but all eight of them forgot that the meeting was this morning.