OceanGate Rebrands Submersible as Immersive Titanic Experience

By Joshua Wolk

Following the submersible implosion that killed five men, OceanGate employees were seen frantically writing over brochures in Sharpie, rebranding the tragedy as an “Immersive Titanic Experience.”

“Everything went exactly as planned,“ explained OceanGate’s spokesperson Maurice Berg, sweat beading on his forehead. “We strive to surprise our patrons with authentic character simulations. Some of our voyages get the Rose package, some get the Jack,” he said while laughing nervously and taking a hit of an inhaler. 

OceanGate is now offering to refund passengers on trips that did not implode. “We apologize to our previous customers that were not a part of a frenzied media junket. We hope they also find forgiveness in their heart over their absence in the HBO docuseries that is bound to be announced by the end of July.”