Breaking: Hot TA No Longer Hot
LOS ANGELES, CA – Following USC lifting its indoor mask requirement beginning Monday, students across all majors of study fell victim to “maskfishing,” upon discovering that their “wildly” attractive TAs only cater towards a deep-rooted need for academic validation.
Sophomore Erin Jenkins, a Philosophy, Politics, and Law major who developed a major crush on her PHIL 300 Introduction to the Philosophical Classics TA at the start of spring semester, is now having second thoughts. “I mean, he had these cool, wiry glasses and it was so hot when he shamed me for only reading Allegory of the Cave in Plato’s Republic. How was I supposed to know that he has a pencil mustache and massive overbite? Now I understand why he’s into philosophy.”
In light of these recent developments, USC MissedConnections is offering a new removal policy, geared towards accommodating students experiencing profound regret and self-awareness of how desperate they are.