By Izzy Ster
LOS ANGELES, CA – In light of rampant COVID-19 exposures and a 5% positivity rate, the Dean of USC’s Marshall School of Business announced they would require students to wear masks under their noses as a part of their business attire requirement for classes.
BUAD302 Professor John Norris shared that the inclusion to their dress code was a result of a trend administration has noticed among students. “You know, we just want to keep up with you kids these days. At first, it was turning the other cheek when you all did TikTok dances at your desks, now it’s the total disregard for the health, safety, and well-being of others. Times change!”
Marshall students are often expected to “dress the part” for important class presentations and club interviews, junior Sydney Long told The Sack of Troy. “I already have to wear blue light glasses to, like, look smart or something. The masks would always fog them up,” Long said, as she pulled her mask away from her mouth to talk. Long is now petitioning the administration to consider the inclusion of MadHappy trucker hats and identifying politically as “fiscally conservative, but socially liberal” in the new dress code criteria as well.
The mask mandate joins Marshall’s standing dress code of neon Golden Goose shoes, creased slacks from the back of a crammed New North closet, and monochrome pantsuits with cocaine remnants on them. Those who fail to dress appropriately will be forced to eat Ferttita Cafe sushi instead of Nobu.