Breaking News:
  • Film Student Forced Into Intervention Over ‘Whimsical’ Letterboxd Top 4
  • RFK Jr. Launches ‘Just Say No’ Anti-Vax Campaign
  • Man Who Restates What You Said But Louder Wins Pulitzer Prize
  • Traveler Refuses to Eat Hay: “Only Meat,” Says the Horse
  • Bari Weiss Guts 60 Minutes; Now 15 Seconds

The Sack of Troy

USC's Second Best Parody Newspaper

The Sack of Troy

  • College
  • Local
  • World
  • Sports
  • Politics
  • Entertainment
  • Videos
  • Columns
    • Attention Vortex
    • Dear Mom
    • Girlboss Alert!
    • Reviews
    • Strong Feelings
  • About
    • History
    • Join Us
    • Contact Us
    • Members
News in Pictures 

Wow! This Elf on the Shelf Can Tell Exactly When You’re Going to Die (It’s Sooner Than You Think)

December 23, 2021December 23, 2021 Melanie Hoffmann

By Melanie Hoffmann

Photo by Louise Smith on Unsplash

  • ← SDA Cuts “I Hope I Get It” From Chorus Line Production
  • 5 Hallmark Movies That Will Make You Want to Kill Yourself This Holiday Season →

You May Also Like

Man Gives His First Blowjob Amidst Lonely National Girlfriend Day; Also Receives

August 1, 2021 Luca Soltero 0

Jeffrey Katzenberg Insists Quibi Would Have Succeeded with Better Timing, Better Marketing, Better UI, Better Pricing, Better Release Strategy, Better Content, and Better Core Concept

October 22, 2020 Preston Long 0

CDC Suggests Deterring Delta, Beta Variants by Asking Them to Name Five Brothers

July 24, 2021 Sarah Cortina 0
© 2026 The Sack of Troy. All wrongs reserved.