Breaking News:
  • Sperm Racing Rematch to Take Place in My Bedroom
  • Move Over “Severance”! Apple TV Premieres New Hit Show “Get Out with White People”
  • Spending Cuts Force LA Times “Festival of Books” to Rebrand as “Festival of Book”
  • Trump Actually Anti-Capitalist King
  • USC Names Bully Who Stole Your Lunch Money as New Head of Student Dining

The Sack of Troy

USC's Second Best Parody Newspaper

The Sack of Troy

  • College
  • Local
  • World
  • Sports
  • Politics
  • Entertainment
  • Videos
  • Columns
    • Attention Vortex
    • Dear Mom
    • Girlboss Alert!
    • Reviews
    • Strong Feelings
  • About
    • History
    • Join Us
    • Contact Us
    • Members
News in Pictures 

Wow! This Elf on the Shelf Can Tell Exactly When You’re Going to Die (It’s Sooner Than You Think)

December 23, 2021December 23, 2021 Melanie Hoffmann

By Melanie Hoffmann

Photo by Louise Smith on Unsplash

  • ← SDA Cuts “I Hope I Get It” From Chorus Line Production
  • 5 Hallmark Movies That Will Make You Want to Kill Yourself This Holiday Season →

You May Also Like

Breaking! Paddington Bear Has Murdered Orson Welles

May 5, 2021 Charlotte Phillipp 0

Every Day a “No Bone” Day for Local Incel

November 10, 2021 Alexandra Ornes 0

USC Welcomes Back Covid

August 23, 2021 Melanie Hoffmann 0
© 2025 The Sack of Troy. All wrongs reserved.