By Dan Toomey
Los Angeles, CA – Village newcomer Oceana Seafood became the latest in a long line of accusers against the University of Southern California, after the restaurant filed a lawsuit alleging that the university falsely told them people would actually eat there.
“Our partnership was built on lies, nothing but blatant lies,” said restaurant manager Kenneth Thompson. “They told us kids would die for overpriced seafood in the middle of an urban college campus.”
“I mean, who in LA doesn’t want to feel like they’re in Maine?” he said.
The lawsuit comes just days after the closure of nearby restaurant BBCM – an establishment whose long wait times and eclectic menu were as nearly as confusing as its overall identity. The bakery/restaurant/café/brunch/library abandoned the University Village after claiming the school promised them, among other things, that students would be able to use their IDs as a form of payment and that a nearby dining hall would never be built.
Oceana Seafood, however, alleges they received a worse deal.
“I’ve honestly volunteered to work shifts that were three days long, because we would only get, like, two or three customers,” said cashier Emily Simon. “And even those were usually just people that were lost on the way to CAVA.”
USC maintains that it never made such a deal with Oceana.
“They thought we said people would actually go there?” said retired USC President Max Nikias – speaking with tilted down sunglasses as he reclined on the deck of a docked yacht outside of Santorini. “Ridiculous! I just told them we needed somewhere that sold hush puppies.”
As students continue to forego the casual seafood dining spot for the more convenient – and enjoyable – options around the village, Oceana still tries to maintain positivity.
“Honestly, we’re not Il Gardino,” Thompson said. “At least people have heard of us.”