Sorority Gives Diversity Bid to Girl With Glasses

by Veronica Marks

LOS ANGELES, CA – In a shocking move that will shake up the entire Greek system, sorority Kappa Kappa Kappa inducted freshman Mary Hayes as a new member, despite the fact that she wears glasses.

“I’m truly shocked,” said Hayes, whose eyesight is -4.00 in her left eye and -5.00 in her right. “I sort of figured I wasn’t the sorority girl type. But I’m excited to add my own unique spice to my new sisterhood. The spice being my inability to see.”

Hayes will be making history as the first girl in a Panhellenic sorority to wear glasses. Nicole Henderson, a member of Alpha Beta Sigma in 1993, needed them to read, but Hayes will be the first pledge to wear them 24/7.

“At Kappa Kappa Kappa, we’re pushing the boundaries of what it means to be a sorority. We’re adapting for the 21st century, and that means embracing diversity,” said Kappa Kappa Kappa president Ashley Campbell, who has 20/20 vision.

Despite listing “diversity” as a core value on all of their websites, data reveals that 99.9 percent of all sorority members do not wear glasses. The Greek system has come under fire in recent years for having a lack of variety in their members, but many see Hayes’ bid as a sign of progress.

“I mean, I always thought sororities were only for one type of girl,” said local gender studies major Rachel Watson. “But maybe it’s for two types of girls. And maybe one of those types of girls can only read the top line of the eye chart.”

Experts say that if this push for diversity keeps moving forward, a sorority could be 50 percent brunette by 2025.