By Rachel Michelman
LOS ANGELES, CA – To add to the already devastating statistic, local enthralling woman Genevieve Myers fell victim to overhyping an average man.
Myers reportedly met and fell for a guy who looks like the top hit when you enter “man” into the search bar of Getty Images after finding him smoking a cigarette on the porch of a college party. Despite this fact, Myers insists her crush is a fascinating individual and not “just a guy with tortoise shell glasses.” “Tom is really one of a kind! His favorite TV shows are Seinfeld, Breaking Bad, and The Office. I mean, come on! He’s got a real sense of humor,”” said Myers. “I know he spent most of the six hour long date talking about how he could make SNL funnier and how having a sister makes him a feminist, but when we were playing 20 questions he asked me ‘Do you feel too tall?’ and ‘Is your hair color natural?’ before finally asking ‘What’s your greatest sexual fantasy?’ That’s TWO more questions than my last date!”
No matter the insistence of her friends that she’s “gorgeous and can do so much better” and that “Tom is literally just a guy who looks like any guy you could pick up outside of the Alamo Drafthouse,” Myers is incapable of believing that she can find someone more compatible. “Genevieve literally is going to graduate summa cum laude, has a job lined up with Google, and is childhood friends with Malia and Sasha Obama, but she’s still attracted to a guy who wears the same pair of Dickies and Carhartt jacket everyday. He only wears Nirvana and Pink Floyd shirts and demands you to name at least three songs if you compliment it,” commented roommate Daria Hammond.
A frightening new statistic from Cosmopolitan Magazine finds that 100% of women interested in men are dating or have dated an average man. Cosmo announced on Twitter that they plan on eradicating this issue by starting a campaign to force all men to be vulnerable; develop a taste in music beyond the Arctic Monkeys, Kanye West, and Tame Impala; and read a book outside of The Catcher in the Rye or Infinite Jest.