Local Man “Could Probably Fix That” Himself

by Sara Linden

CULVER CITY — Upon realizing that his washing machine was broken, Sal Smith scoffed at his wife’s suggestion to “Please, for the love of God, just get a mechanic this time.” Instead, he strapped on his ‘tool-sash’ and decided to get to work, declaring, “I can probably fix that myself.”

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“Git ‘er done, am I right?” (photo by Karen Smith)

Smith started with his trusty screwdriver, confidently drilling a screw into a totally unnecessary and separate piece of wood. “There’s a real trick to it,” he said as the screwdriver stalled. Then, he added, “Just a faulty piece of wood, probably. You come across that every now and then.”

His wife, Karen Smith, reported that he has never called a mechanic. “When our refrigerator broke three weeks ago, Sal just drank a bunch of beer, drilled two planks into it, and then passed out on the couch,” she said.

“Beer me. Karen, I said ‘Beer me.'” (photo by Karen Smith)

“Sometimes I like to drink a little. Helps the fixin’,” Smith confirmed, taking a swig of an ice cold Bud Light. “Anyway, this one’s got an, uh… It’s got a kind of, uh, torque?” Smith said as he used the back end of a flat head screwdriver on a nail.

To finish off the job, Smith pulled out the big guns — the circle saw. “Now, this here,” he said, laying the wood down on his own leg, “is how you really get the job done. Once we get this sucker cut, the washing machine will practically fix itself.”

Underneath the sound of the saw firing up, Smith’s tired wife reported that she was “going to her parents house.”

Sara Linden

After spending her youth in the jungle of Missouri, Sara came to Los Angeles to become a screenwriter. She likes Ghostbusters, ice cubes, and self sabotage, but not all at once.

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