Skateboarder Literally Circumnavigates Globe to Avoid Social Activists
by Rob Smat
RONALD TUTOR CAMPUS CENTER — “I don’t have the patience for this crap!” yelled Greer Meelson, as he skateboarded toward the campus center last month.
Mr. Meelson was approaching not just a handful, but a barricade, of social activists: “I saw them with those orange safety vests, their desperate smiles, and those clipboards- oh, how I much I hate those clipboards.”
That was when Meelson took matters into his own hands. His final destination, just on the other side of the activists, was clearly blocked by their outgoing personalities. Greer could have found a way around. He could have just skateboarded as fast as possible and kept his head down, but he wasn’t going to put up with that on this day. Not again.
Greer turned completely around, an about face. “And then, I just started boarding in the other direction. Once I reached Expo Boulevard, I figured I was clear, but I knew that wasn’t where I’d stop. Not this time.”
Greer began his journey across the world. He was beyond Los Angeles before nightfall and made it to Nevada within the week. “That was a year ago. Pretty soon I found myself back on the shores of Santa Monica.”
Greer completed his journey last week, arriving on the opposite side of the activists, who hadn’t moved an inch since his departure. He walked into the campus center for his job interview, only 8,765 hours late. He was completed unassailed by activists throughout his journey.
“It was great,” he said, “I had a blast. I saw the world, and it really wasn’t as bad as those clipboard people said. I kinda enjoyed it. Oceans looked just fine.”
At press time, Greer’s skateboarding leg was totally jacked. He had also contracted numerous strains of malaria during his time in Africa, which he will realize in a few days.