Intern Realizes Why Adults Are So Sad

by Jack Hackett and Chai Karve

DALE & ASSOCIATES — When law intern Chuck Hawkins walked into the office for the first time, he thought his career was finally off to a rocking start. After two and a half months of braving the 9 to 5, he realized how wrong he was.

“This place is unequivocally sad, and so are the people in it,” expressed Hawkins. “Tom has been working on the same spreadsheet for eight weeks straight, and Christine eats the same homemade cobb salad from her tupperware every single day. No wonder adults are so sad. This place is the embodiment of depression.”

During his time as an intern, Hawkins hoped he’d develop skills that can only be learned on the job, but ended up spending most of his days proofing documents and refilling the printer’s paper tray.

“I seriously don’t know how adults work in this dull environment for their entire life,” stated Hawkins. “If I had to hear Karen talk about her kids one more time, I would’ve jumped head first down a flight of stairs.”

Although he only received 2 college credits, Hawkins walked away with the experience of a lifetime: knowing how brain-numbing the rest of his life is going to be, which is something that can only be learned on the job.

Jack Hackett

He is your run of the mill bad boy. He hangs out by the dumpsters during recess sucking down cigarettes. He is complex by nature, but is simply looking for love.