by Christine Politte
As the semester begins, increasing numbers of students are struggling to get through the week. In the first scientific study of this phenomenon, researchers found that a solid 90 percent of weeks are declared “rough” by Monday afternoon.
“We have not fully determined the cause of this phenomenon, but there appears to be some correlation between self-reported ‘roughness’ and weekend Netflix binges,” said Holly Wallace, who headed the study.
Other causes appear to include responsibilities for clubs students chose to be involved in, unpaid jobs they chose to take, and spending three straight days reviving their Neopets account instead of working on an essay.
“I’m just totally slammed right now,” reported sophomore Lucas Fitzherbert, who announced that he had only gotten one hour of sleep the previous night to anyone who would listen. “I was totally blindsided by all this homework, even though it was on the syllabus I received three months ago.”
According to Wallace, “rough” weeks can lead to crippling caffeine dependency, spending every waking hour on the verge of panic, and anger towards those “superhuman” individuals who were blessed with the ability to limit their commitments and use a calendar to manage their time.
As far as the remaining 10% of weeks, the research is inconclusive.
“I didn’t have time to go through the rest of the data,” sighed Wallace. “Life’s just pretty rough right now, you know?”