By Scott Altsuler
CHEVY CHASE, MD – Earlier this week, GEICO unveiled a new, sexier look for their iconic lizard, Martin the gecko. “We strive to stay ahead of our competition, and we fell behind now that Jake from State Farm is a full-on beefcake and Flo from Progressive has reached MILF status,” explained GEICO CEO Todd Combs. “GEICO’s main goal is to make Martin the most bangable mascot there is.”
In order to make their gecko as objectively desirable as possible, GEICO recruited 20-year-old TikTok artist Fiona Grayson to help redesign the reptile. “Even before GEICO asked me to redesign the gecko, he was one of my favorite characters to draw,” said the unpaid intern. “Something about his sexy British accent and charming personality made his commercials the only reason I watched the Super Bowl.”
Thanks to the rebrand, the GEICO gecko now has a completely new physique, guaranteed to make any customer want his insurance package! “It’s no big deal really. I just started eating right and going to the gym,” the gecko elaborated. “Jake from State Farm and I are actually gym buddies. You should see some of Fiona’s drawings of us working out.” GEICO also heavily encouraged the gecko to take creatine supplements in further efforts for the marketing campaign.
The marketing team has tracked great success brought on by the gecko’s new body. The Q3 report has shown both an intense spike of customers switching insurance providers and also an overwhelming amount of thirst Tweets, fanfictions, and PornHub videos with the hashtag #GeckoDaddy. “Suck it, State Farm!” said Combs when reached for comment.
GEICO is proud of the updated face (and dreamy body) of the brand, complete with a washboard eight pack and a jawline that could cut 15% or more off your car insurance.