By Rachel Michelman
LOS ANGELES, CA — After you successfully navigate the USC Village Trader Joe’s line, the cashier who checked you out wished you “Have a nice day.” Well, breaking news… he didn’t actually mean it.
The cashier in question, Cameron Gomez, attractive only by proxy of working at Trader Joe’s, told The Sack of Troy, “I tell everyone ‘have a nice day.’ I didn’t just mean it for you. Let’s be honest, you’re the 38th person I have to say that to on my shift, and you kept entering the wrong pin code.”
He continued by saying you looked “kinda pathetic tbh.” Said Gomez, “I mean when you’re buying a bag of potatoes, three packs of frozen hash browns, and two giant ass loaves of bread and then ask for plastic bags, I feel like you’re going through something.”
Your friends backed Gomez up on this. “You’ve just been moody the past few days for no reason at all. You lose one follower on Twitter and suddenly the world is ending and you need to vent on Reddit to get validation,” said Annabel Hemmings, your best friend since second grade. “Chill out and stop pretending the world revolves around how many people think your tweet about your Economics teacher’s sweaty forehead crease is funny.”
So, if you’re really looking for a fulfilling checkout experience, we here at The Sack of Troy suggest you go to the self-checkout lines at Target and fake a smile to yourself in the security cameras instead.