by Christine Politte
I see the heads turning as I walk down the street. I hear the people saying, “Did you get a haircut? Looks nice.” Damn right it does, bitch. Look out world, I just got bangs, which negate all my previously ingrained habits and personality traits.
Now that I’m rocking this new style, I’m finally getting that dream job. When I walk into my interview, the manager will be like, “Whoa, there’s a girl who’s in control of her life.” Those last three rejection letters will mean as little as my life did before I walked into Supercuts yesterday afternoon. Suck it, McDonald’s, I didn’t want to work for you anyway.
The real difference, though, is going to be in my personal life. Look, I know I’ve never been the “fun friend.” Maybe that has to do with my extremely low alcohol tolerance, or my inability to talk about anything other than myself for more than five minutes. But guess what? That’s all in the past. With this $20 investment, I have officially become the life of the party. I’m going to need all invites at least a week in advance, since my phone is going to be popping with date requests from every boy within a 25-mile radius.
That’s right, I may not know how to use makeup properly or be able to hold a conversation, but now I don’t have to. These sweet bangs will do all the talking. Now the boys will have to line up, like I did at the salon while I waited for this reasonably-priced, life-changing trim. This time next month, I expect I’ll have been in my longest relationship to date.
And that’s not all. Maybe, just maybe, my mom will finally be proud of me when she sees the new swing in my luscious locks.
Haha, no, just kidding. It’s not like bangs will magically solve all your problems.