That’s Not a Sexy Nurse Costume, You’re Just in the ER

by Veronica Marks

LOS ANGELES, CA – It’s Halloweekend, so you probably assumed that hot nurse was just a hot girl wearing a nurse costume. Wrong. You’re just in the emergency room.

Every year, this holiday spawns many girls in sexy, revealing costumes. There are sexy cats, sexy nuns, sexy superheroes, and sexy zombies. However, that girl is not in a sexy nurse costume. She is an actual nurse, and she is trying to do her job, because you are in the emergency room of Western Convalescent Hospital.

Your confusion is totally understandable. It’s Halloween! A fun time for people of all genders to dress up as slightly more attractive than they are. And you enjoyed that scene last night, before you blacked out, which is why you probably think that the woman standing above you is just dressing up as a sexy nurse. However, her name is Deanna, and she is a real, licensed nurse taking care of you.

According to Deanna, you ingested far too much alcohol in proportion to the size of your body. Apparently, they pumped your stomach, but there might still be some in there, ‘cause, hey, you went hard, bro! That’s probably part of why you thought a full-grown woman in a bright white room is just a sexy nurse at a rager on Halloween.

Oh, no. Deanna just told you that while drunk, you smashed an antique vase on your head, fell down three flights of stairs, asked someone to punch you in the face, and jumped through a window. Wow! Sounds like a crazy night. Sure would be nice if this was just the next part of one wild Halloween. Unfortunately, it is not still Halloween. It is 10:06 a.m. in the emergency room of Western Convalescent Hospital, and you are being assisted by nurse practitioner Deanna because you’ve broken seven bones and lacerated your own face. You’re a mess, man.