by Rob Smat
TAPER HALL — At approximately 4:05pm today, the greater majority of PSYC 201’s lecture attendees received a wonderful email from one of their classmates, Backwards Yankee Cap Guy, just 48 hours before their cumulative final exam.
The email in question was a mass email delivery from the class’s Blackboard portal. Backwards Yankee Cap kindly offered everyone in the class a convenient link to a Google Doc, where they could “collaborate” and “share all of their notes from the entire semester and review sessions too if they wanted to.”
According to front row suck-up, Gerard Blakely, Backwards Yankee Cap Guy hasn’t actually been seen in a lecture since the first week, so he was surprised to see an email from him. “He even signed the email, ‘Yankees Guy,’ so he’s not even pretending that anybody knows who he is.” Gerard went on to note that unlike Yankees Cap, everyone in the class knows who he is, because he tends to answer the “tough questions.”
Various other students have since confirmed that they know nothing of Mr. Blakely, nor of Backwards Yankee Cap, much less their professor, as many of them use a laptop in the class, and as a result, pay no attention whatsoever to any part of the lectures beyond listless note taking.
Luckily for Yankee Cap, one student was able to laboriously open their notes, select all, hit copy, and then (using COMMAND+V) paste the entire four unit course into the shared online document. In an instant, Yankee Cap had access to an estimated 62 hours of lecture material, and will likely pass the exam.
At press time, Backwards Yankee Cap had arrived at the exam without the necessary blue book, but luckily the professor brought some extra ones because he knew his hardworking students could use a little slack.