By Jack Martino
LOS ANGELES, CA – The COVID-19 pandemic has shifted classes at the University of Southern California to a distanced learning environment, affecting some Trojans’ mental health. USC junior Justin McWay, stuck at home in New Jersey of all places, decided to get back in the Trojan Spirit by participating in a classic USC pastime: getting hit by a bike, skateboard, scooter, Fryft, chariot, dog walker, surfboard, or small plane.
On Sunday, September 20, Justin, dressed only in sweatpants and a hat, jumped in front of a passing bike in front of his house. The rider was Justin’s overweight, middle-aged neighbor Bob Bilheimer, who was still holding onto that New Years Resolution from 2015 to “be more active.”
“From what I could see, the kid just jumped out in front of Bob’s bike and took him off his bike like cutting off the head of a chicken,” said a neighbor Rick Folt, who was destroying his son’s Xbox in his front yard at the time of the incident. “Reminds me of when I was a student at USC before social media, where we would jump in front of cars for fun. Glad to see the tradition is coming back.”
“I just wanted to have fun,” says Justin, a pyrotechnics major in SCA. “Zoom U has melted all brain cells. Now I have the IQ of cheese. Cheese want back to real home. Home USC. UCLA bad.”
Justin escaped his jump with minor bruises and scratches. However, Bob is now riding the big bike trail in the sky.
Sack of Troy remembers Bob Bilheimer. 1967-2020.