A.J. & Big Justice Pay Respects To Tragic Coal Mine Explosion With Five Big Booms
By Megan Dang
GILLETTE, WY — Social media stars A.J. & Big Justice responded to the news of a tragic coal mine explosion in Wyoming the only way they know how: with not three, not four, but five big booms.
Known to the world as the Costco Guys (and known to me as lovable li’l goofballs), A.J. & Big Justice are famous for their food reviews and opinions on hot button political issues. Naturally, the entire nation waited with bated breath to see what their stance would be on the Wyoming coal mine disaster that killed 87. But to the public’s horror, A.J. & Big Justice gave it five big booms.
“When they started screaming out the booms, it was like they were recreating the most traumatic moment of my life and making a mockery of my nightmares,” Gerald Morris, a survivor of the mine ordeal, said with a shiver. “But that’s not even the worst part. The next day, the Costco Guys gave the Costco cheese pizza five big booms, too. I could maybe understand them giving the double chunk chocolate cookie a five… But we couldn’t even do better than the cheese pizza? The Rizzler would have never allowed this to happen.”
The Costco Guys attempted to do damage control by uploading another video where they reviewed a family homicide in Kansas City. “That triple homicide gets like, at least seven booms,” A.J. stated while staring unblinkingly into the camera, but this only led to further public outrage. When asked to comment, Gerald Morris said, “Not even the pepperoni pizza? Or the chicken bake? The cheese pizza? THE CHEESE PIZZA?”
A.J. & Big Justice have since announced that they would be taking it upon themselves to mete out their own punishment. “That is, after all, why I am called Big Justice,” said Big Justice, “for I am judge, jury, and executioner. I am not just above the law, I am the law. I am justice incarnate.” As penance for their sinful ignorance, Big Justice and A.J. performed an unprecedented 21-Boom salute at the coal mine memorial and later proclaimed that they will give themselves the big Doom by committing seppuku on TikTok Live.
