By Liam Stephenson
LONDON, ENGLAND— After years of successfully pretending he actually likes wearing rompers, British musician Harry Styles has finally been caught wearing a pair of unironed, pocket-laden cargo shorts.
With the exception of niche, indie musicians like Prince, Young Thug, Kurt Cobain, André 3000, Iggy Pop, David Bowie, Jaden Smith, A$AP Rocky, and FDR, Harry Styles is considered the first male musician to publicly sport a dress.
Styles first donned a dress on the cover of Vogue magazine in October 2021. This decision shocked the world, as Harry Styles is a boy, and boys typically like monster trucks, topless babes, Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare, and cool-ass shit of that sort. Also, boys can play Cooking Mama 2. It’s not only for girls.
However, in recent photos, Styles has been dressing in a way that can be best described as quasi-Republican. In addition to wearing cargo shorts, Styles was also photographed wearing a camo trucker hat, but in more of a closeted racist way than a cool and hip Y2K way. After Styles spotted the photographer capturing his outfit, he quickly placed his Pit Viper glasses on a homeless man and tried to cover up the Barstool Sports logo on his hoodie. His attempts were pointless, however, much like shelling out $100 to see him live.
The news has shocked various populations worldwide, including teenagers on Twitter and pre-teenagers on Twitter. Some have claimed that this scandal proves Harry Styles to be a “queerbaiter,” which has infuriated Styles’s fans. “He was actually the first man to queerbait, so he’s still pushing boundaries,” explained @StylesSurrogate32 on Twitter. “Please impregnate me, Harry,” @StylesSurrogate32 later tweeted fifty-six times consecutively.
The concept of gender norms even weighed in on the controversy. “We’ve been mostly unaffected by his previous outfits, so this isn’t huge news,” the norms responded, high fiving one another.
Styles’s former girlfriend Olivia Wilde also commented on the controversy, but she left Jason Sudeikis and thus does not deserve an opinion on this or anything.
Glory Cycles is licensed under CC BY 2.0
May Lee is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0
Harry Styles – Love On Tour @ Jeunesse Arena By @foto.grafinhas is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0