Kevin McCarthy Fills Rejection Punch Card, Earns Free Frosty

By Izzy Ster

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After Rep. Kevin McCarthy lost an 11th vote for Speaker of the House, the general public was confused by his excited response. “Sure, I’m disappointed in my fellow Republicans who are preventing our democracy from moving in an efficient manner; but, once I reached 10, I filled my rejection punch card. It’s now redeemable for a free Wendy’s Frosty!” McCarthy was later spotted crying into a chocolate Frosty on the steps of the Capitol building, blubbering about his impending 12th loss tomorrow. “Maybe if I make it to fifteen, I can get a free Baconator.”