By Ava Bunn
WASHINGTON, DC – Right off the South Side, just outside of the Diplomatic Reception Room, yet another poop was found in the hallway of the White House. Biden has released a statement making allegations towards his dog, Major, for the feces found on the floor.
Last Wednesday, Biden’s dog allegedly dropped a dookie in the same location, but this time, as further evidence surfaces, fingers point towards the dog owner himself: President Joe Biden.
“The day of the accident, Joe and I were in a meeting with Senator Manchin, and I heard this… grumble,” states Vice President Kamala Harris, who later revealed Biden soon excused himself and that she has “never seen him run that fast before.”
An anonymous member of the White House Service Staff reports that due to the size and girth of the feces on the ground, “There is no way in hell that shit came out of a small dog.” Caution tape has blocked off the crime scene with a comfortable 8 foot perimeter around the excreta.
Biden has yet to release any further statement, but security footage is beginning to surface of a “White-haired, 6-foot, masculine creature, wearing business attire, scurrying across the red carpet, tripping over it’s own feet and soiling itself, crying, then laughing at itself, and skipping away.” The White House Security Officer who has been studying the footage reveals that he knows “That lipless smirk from anywhere… Biden definitely shit in the hallway.”
“Vice President Joe Biden visit to Israel March 2016” by U.S. Embassy Jerusalem is licensed under CC BY 2.0