CDC Announces There is No Bad Drug Interaction Between COVID Vaccine and Molly Just in Time for Festival Season

By Staff

Just in time for festival season, the CDC has announced that there is no bad drug interaction between the COVID vaccine and popular festival drug MDMA. 

This is relieving news for ravers around the world: an anonymous USC greek life member told us, “Last Coachella I had to go to the medical tent because I took Molly with antibiotics for a certain… infection I had. I’m just a little worried about having a repeat with the vaccine.”

Thankfully, due to the vaccine’s mRNA structure, there should be nothing to fret about. “We can say with the utmost certainty that it is totally safe to take Disco Biscuits (MDMA) with the COVID vaccine” says CDC researcher, Dr. Gilbert Goldstein. “Booger sugar (cocaine), Mushies (psilocybin), and Itchy Ballsack (???) should all be safe as well.”

Millions have been invested in conducting tests for dangerous interactions between the vax and various party drugs to reach this conclusion. “We’re expecting people to go absolutely bonkers once all of the restrictions are lifted and festivals return,” said Goldstein. “We just want to make sure that everyone is safe no matter what their drug of choice will be.”

Randomized test subjects were selected by frequency of visitation to the subreddit, r/Drugs, as well as plays of “Losing It” by FISHER via Spotify listening history data. Surprisingly, word of mouth spread like herpes at a festival campground as thousands of volunteers showed up at the labs for testing, allowing a greater population pool than initially expected. 

While most popular party drugs like Molly should have no interaction with the COVID vaccine, strangely, the results on the increasingly popular horse tranquilizer, Ketamine, remain inconclusive. Dr. Goldstein insists, “please, just leave it for the horsies.”