By Jonathan Krone
WILMINGTON, DELAWARE – Following a long Vice Presidential search committee, the selection of Senator Kamala Harris has once and for all shored up Joe Biden’s support among current supporters of Joe Biden.
“This really feels like the perfect ticket to meet this moment,” tweeted Alyssa Milano, who has supported a Biden/Harris ticket for months. “I’m so excited to support them come November!” The replies featured dozens of people with “Biden President” profile pictures professing their excitement as well.
“This is an amazing pick,” said your friend who’s been posting anti-Trump memes for 5 years, “This should really pump up turnout numbers for people who absolutely hate Trump and would vote for literally anyone else!”
“Biden is already winning in a landslide in all the polls, which are notoriously reliable,” said noted pundit @FuckDrumpfBiden2020, “Now that he’s got Kamala on the team, it’s even more of a sure thing than the super sure thing it already was.”
The progressive wing of the party, who apparently support Trump now, questioned the pick bringing up silly distractions like her policy record and personal history. “Biden could’ve used this pick as a chance to reach out to the left,” said confirmed MAGA-knight Ryan Knight (@ProudSocialist), “Kamala Harris has an awful prosecutorial record!” Many other trolls echoed his sentiments, expressing frustration at the Biden campaign’s strategy.
Luckily, the New York Times confirmed that all the Americans expressing doubts about the choice were Russian bots.