“This Will Go Over Great!” Says White Guy Dressed For Halloween As Smurf with ‘Blue Lives Matter’ Sign

by Quinton Buxton

THE ROW — This year, Halloween promises to provide students not only with an opportunity to drown their sobriety in spooky spirits, but also to creatively express themselves through costumes. And no student has taken such clear advantage of the latter as sophomore Billy Blanc, who plans to attend multiple parties as a Smurf holding a ‘Blue Lives Matter’ sign.

"Why won't anyone talk to me?"
“Why won’t anyone talk to me?”

“Yeah, this will go over great!” said Blanc, whose ancestry is whiter than Casper the Friendly Ghost. “I didn’t really do too much research about what ‘Blue Lives Matter’ means. But who cares? It’s hilariously topical and that’s all I care about.”

Unsurprisingly, the controversial costume has scared up some Gargamel-sized reactions, with most being overwhelmingly positive.

“Wow, I love it!” praised longtime white friend Chad Bradington, who wore a ‘Make America Great Again’ hat while dressed in blackface. “His costume is so funny because it references a real life event without a single bit of empathy towards the complexities and racial tensions imbued within its subject. Hysterical!”

Some, however, see Blanc’s blue body as belligerently brazen.

Blanc getting shut down by Raven.

“I tried talking him out of it,” admitted a less-than-impressed Cami Asuzu. “But after his ‘Bill Cosby passing out spiked jello shots’ stunt last year and his ‘missing Malaysian Airline attendant’ the year before that, I knew he wouldn’t see the Smurf costume as erroneously offensive.”

Witnesses, however, say that Asuzu’s attempt at a reasonable critique was muffled over the sound of a frat guy dressed as Zombie Harambe yelling, “dude, sick!” towards Blanc.

But no matter what side of #Smurfgate one falls under, one thing has been made abundantly clear this All Hallow’s Eve: this year’s costumes have proved to be more trick and less treat.