Washing Roommates’ Dishes Prepares Woman for Future as Unappreciated Housewife

by Christine Politte

TROY HALL — When sophomore Jackie Wallace gets home each evening, a stack of her roommates’ dirty dishes waits in the sink. She is not at all upset to wash them, however, because she knows the task is preparing her for a bright future as an unappreciated housewife.

“My $30,000 a semester is definitely well-spent cleaning up after my roommates rather than studying,” insisted Wallace as she scrubbed her roommate’s three-day encrusted pasta sauce from her favorite bowl. “It’s not like I’ll need biochemical engineering when I give up my dreams to be a stay-at-home mom.”

That same upbeat attitude sticks with Wallace as she mops, dusts, and vacuums alone, while her roommates track more dirt through the apartment. Although she’s the only one making any effort to keep the place tidy, Wallace said she’d feel bad asking the other occupants of the apartment to help out, a feeling she expects to follow her into married life.

“They’re very busy people, just like I expect my future husband to be,” said Wallace as she picked crumbs out of the carpet. “Brittany’s an English major, so she has homework twice a week, and Chelsea’s always busy with her ‘club,’ although she usually comes home smelling like alcohol. It’s really no problem for me to do it all after I come home from my second job.”

For their part, Wallace’s roommates are content with the status quo.

“Oh, is that what happens to the dishes?” asked Dana Singleton, looking up from her Game of Thrones marathon. “I just assumed we had a cleaning lady or something.”

As she walked the trash down the hall for the 14th straight time, Wallace smiled, picturing herself walking down the aisle at her wedding.

“I just can’t wait for my future husband to push me out of the way when I’m cleaning the sink to wash his hands, just like Sarah did yesterday,” swooned Wallace. “That’s what marriage is all about.”

At press time, Wallace was humming “Here Comes the Bride” as she dragged her roommates’ dirty clothes down the street to the laundromat.