by Thomas Marshall
LOS ANGELES – In today’s economy, it’s hard to find work, and for those lucky few that do, receiving fair compensation for their labor is even more rare. One such instance of undervalued labor is the half of a Post-it® Note currently over Ed Barker’s laptop webcam. That little guy does not get compensated nearly enough to put up with what it sees on a daily basis.
Beyond the fact that it must put up with blocking Ed’s horrible body from the prying eyes of Russian hackers and deep-web perverts who get their jollies off on voyeurism, this poor, half Post-it® Note must not only see the face Ed makes pre- and mid- climax but must also protect the internet from seeing the look of utter shame on his face as he goes about closing thirty-seven open PornHub tabs.
Though the tech sector is seeing record highs in terms of new hires and starting salaries, the Post-it® Note on Ed Barker’s webcam is still sorely under-compensated for its monumental task.
In addition to witnessing all things masturbatory, this half square-inch of paper also shields would-be hackers from viewing a live-stream of the face Ed makes as he violently sobs, shirtless, into a tub of ice cream as he watches the ending of Furious 7 on repeat for the third time this month. This little strip of self-adhesive paper is truly one of this nation’s most under-recognized laborers.