by Rob Smat
USC — It’s official, Yahweh has declared a major in architecture.
When residents of the north end of campus awoke Wednesday morning, they realized the rumbling that was reported around 4am was not an earthquake,but rather an act of God. The steeple at the Caruso Catholic Center had doubled in height overnight.
The pastor at the Caruso Center, Fr. Jimenez, was initially surprised: “I had been talking with God for some time about his concerns over the UV’s tower height. I reassured him that students weren’t so concerned about the tallness of the building as they were about the spiritual side of things. But He insisted that it still troubled Him.”
“I just didn’t expect Him to take action so suddenly, or without the proper building permits.”
While God did successfully make the church’s steeple higher than that of the University Village, His work was shoddy at best. The new steeple appears to be an exact copy of the old steeple, just superglued to the top of the first one.
Architecture major Sharon Baz noted, “You can still hear the bells ringing inside from the first steeple. I’m not even sure this thing is properly earthquake-proofed.”
At press time the building was deemed unsafe for human occupancy and would likely have to be partially torn down and rebuilt.
When God was approached about adjusting His work, He noted He might be willing to flood the area as a do-over. Everyone has agreed this was a worse idea.