Study: Class Attendance Inversely Proportional to Percent Chance of Precipitation

by Katarina Brandt

USC —  A new study released on Tuesday by the USC Office of Student Attendance shows that poor weather has a direct correlation with attendance in classes across all disciplines at USC.

“Class attendance seems to be inversely proportional to the percent chance of precipitation,” claims local Science Man. “As the chance of precipitation increases, the amount of students in class decreases. Now that’s science.”

The scientists have also found that when the temperature drops below 68 degree Fahrenheit, there is more than a 36% chance of rain, or there are more than 3 clouds in the sky, class attendance drops by 20 percent in labs and over 73 percent in lecture classes.

“If I wake up and check the temperature on Snapchat, and it’s below 68, I don’t even bother getting out of bed,” Orange County native Nikki Swoish commented with more phlegm than words, “I know it’ll be way too chilly even if I pick up a pumpkin spice latte on my way to class. Don’t even get me started on what the wind does to my hair.”

Due to the rain, no one attended the 8AM Japanese Poetry lecture, but then again, no one attends that anyway.