Due to Typo, Porn Star Jamie XXX Performs at Springfest

by Staff

USC — Due to a typo, 2016’s Springfest was headlined by adult film star Jamie XXX, in place of the scheduled artist, Jamie xx. As a result, a buxom twenty-something occupied the McCarthy stage for nearly two and a half hours Saturday evening.

“Things got weird,” said Brandon Wilson as he tried covering the protruding pleat in his jeans.

“I thought she was going to try to sing,” reported sweaty freshman Stuart Caddy, “but she just kept bouncing back and forth across the stage. Then I thought she was going to do a striptease, but she did a lot more teasing than stripping. But I have to go, uh, shower.”

Caddy then immediately beelined to his dorm.

Miss XXX, who has appeared in 2015’s blockbuster adult films such as Jur-ass-ic World and Star Wh*res: The Wh*res Awaken, said she was initially surprised to have been invited to perform: “But then, when they told me how much money I was making directly from the students’ tuition, and how I wouldn’t even have to sexually degrade myself in the process, I said yeah baby, let’s get dirty.”

At the end of the concert, Jamie was spotted making her way to the library where she felt there were some “overdue books” that needed to be “taken care of.”