USG Denies Yik Yak Allegations

by Staff

USC–This week, users of the popular social media app Yik Yak were incensed by anonymous posts accusing the new Undergraduate Student Government President Rini Sampath of nepotism, favoritism, abuse of school funds, and having friends vote down negative posts.

USG responded quickly. Spokesperson Tabata Arnolds wrote in a lengthy press release, “Yik Yak is not a reliable source and the allegations made there have no substance. ”

“For example, one anonymous commenter wrote,

‘when u ask for guacamole at chipotle and the worker gives you an amount that seems small, but is not small enough to justify complaining.’

This comment has no basis.  The Undergraduate Student Government is committed to working with its partners at Chipotle Mexican Grill’s South Figueroa Street location to ensure that students are given adequate portions of their avocado-based spreads.”

“Yik Yak users at USC also made the unfounded accusation that the couple on the third floor of Gateway by the West elevators facing the courtyard was making out with the curtains open.”  Arnolds said, “But I can personally assure the student body that Alex and I always close the blinds.”

“USG would also like to deny allegations that ‘Tinder sux i’ll swipe till I DIE [angry emoji] [eggplant emoji] [flame emoji].’  This statement is wildly inaccurate and in no way reflects the priorities of the Rini/Jordan administration.”

“Yet another student boasted feeling ‘like a real Trojan’ only once being ‘harassed by GreenPeace.’ USG makes an enormous effort to provide a variety of reasonably unpleasant experiences to our students.”

“We are very concerned to find yaks like ‘60K a year = Literally half the treadmills in Lyon are broken.’ These kind of intentionally misleading rumors cause too much disunity in our community. Students should know that no more than 30% of equipment is out of commission at one time.”