Providence/Ehren Really Regretting Campaign Slogan

by Rob Smat

USG ELECTION CENTRAL (ANNENBERG BROOM CLOSET) — Well it’s been a crazy election week for sure.

Well, actually it hasn’t. But for people who know what’s going on or what USG actually does, I bet it’s been a wild and crazy ride. The two balloted candidates for President/VP are Rini/Jordan and Providence/Ehren, with some rumored write-in support for Clooney/Pitt.

News from Rini/Jordan’s election HQ has been mostly positive. Providence/Ehren? Not so great.

“We’re really kicking ourselves over our campaign platform, Fake Results,” noted Providence. She recognizes that though “Fake Results” was more realistic and honest for voters, it provided a perfect target for the Rini/Jordan campaign.

Jordan was first to pick up on the mistake: “One minute, we’re kicking around words that rhyme with ‘Rini’, next thing we know, Prov/Ehren is running on Fake Results. That’s when it hit us: REAL Results.”

The Rini/Jordan ticket has since gained reputable momentum, as their promise for real results has all but overshadowed any blatantly realistic hopes from their competitors.

Should this election season be a bust, Providence/Ehren have vowed to return next year with a much more foolproof slogan, something like: “Some Voices Matter” or “We Don’t Have the Power to Help Anyone But in Reality Just Want to be Lavishly Paid Figureheads of Democracy.”