Viterbi Adds New Minor in “Love”

by Jordan Klein

USC has always been known for its breadth of academic departments. Its undergraduate students have the ability to pursue 150 different minors, ranging from Innovation: The Digital Entrepreneur to Science Visualization. Yesterday, USC made it 151.

The USC Viterbi School of Engineering has announced its addition of a new minor in “Love,” where students can learn the skills necessary “to harbor strong affection and personal attachment.”

The minor likely resulted from the “Teach Us How To Love” initiative, a petition created by USC Viterbi School of Engineering students desperate to learn exactly how love works. With over 1000 signatures and the catchy slogan “You can’t quantify the heart,” the initiative clearly influenced USC’s academic program coordinators.

The Sack of Troy sat down with “Teach Us How To Love” creator Ish Kabibble, who started the petition after struggling to understand the enigmas of the female mind. He discussed his thoughts on the origin and success of his petition.

“Since I got to college, I just didn’t know what to do,” Kabbible explained.  “I tried eavesdropping on couples around campus. I tried taking extensive notes on Dear John. I even talked to a random girl at the campus center. Nothing furthered my understanding of love. And my other Viterbi friends felt exactly the same.”

Kabibble’s reminiscent frown quickly changed into a smile as he continued, “I thank USC for granting my wish and the wishes of lonely engineers everywhere. In the future, I hope that we can work to make “Love” into a full-blown major. With USC academic achievement awards, we can take 21 units each semester. Double majoring should be easy.”

Right now, the existence of a “Love” minor is entirely exclusive to USC, but Kabibble mentioned that he expects it to rapidly spread as engineers across the nation within the decade. As a result of this exclusivity, the USC Academic Board has rushed to hire new professors. The group has already hired the acclaimed pick up artist Ben Dover and the legendary love guru Mike Myers in addition to handpicking the best of the school’s married professors.

At a glance, the minor will require 20 units of coursework. A few of its offered classes will be “Introduction to Tender Passion,” “Awfully Cute Poetry for that Special Someone,” and “Physicality: Advanced Techniques.”

Students will have the ability to enroll in the new minor starting in the Spring semester of 2016.